The Swedish Midsummer

Not many people know about the Swedish Midsummer. (Please click on the link if you want to find out.)

So why do Swedes celebrate midsummer? If referring back to original traditions, the season around Midsummer is the season where most crops begin to ripen. The old Swedes were poor peasants whose only hope to survive was on how their annual harvest would do. Hoping to get their crops as big and many as possible, the Swedes raised and decorated a maypole, which in actuality is the symbol of a penis turned upside down, planted into the ground in order to have its seed (sperm) fertilize the earth. Families and friends got together to have a great feast, where most of the year’s savings are spent on this one day of celebration, and afterwards they dance around the maypole as a ritual to get the penis erect and eject.

Today, not many of the Swedish people believe in this anymore. Some still dance around the maypole to uphold the tradition, but most Swedes simply have a great feast with the traditional fresh potatoes, pickled herrings and strawberries when they celebrate the Midsummer. Nowadays, the Midsummer celebration is more focused on having the day off (since Midsummer is always on a Friday and a Saturday between 19th and 25th of June) and booze. Almost one hundred per cent of the Swedish youths and adults from thirteen to fourty-five drink until they are numb. Many of those get into fights or car accidents, making the Swedish Midsummer a rather troubled tradition, especially for the National Road Administration, and for the police.

Bad.

Irony

In Sweden, it’s in most cases not OK to be serious about one’s own opinions. Therefore, most Swedes express their thoughts ironically in order to have something to say. The more they feel for a certain thing, the more irony they use.

Why do Swedes use so much irony, then? Well, in reality, they lack the courage to be responsible for their real opinions, because opinions are so important to Swedes that at least two or three would be offended by what someone else think. First of all, why bother about what opinions someone else has? Secondly, why are opinions so important? Third and last, why so serious about having something to say?

Pity.

Immigrants

Whether they are Swedish citizens or not, immigrants have greater power than the actual native Swedes. If you have darker skin than a Swede (which is not very difficult), or speak Swedish with a foreign accent, you’re free to move however you want.

For example, a guy can go to any Swedish pub if he speaks English or Swedish with an English accent, preferably British, and he can get almost any girl he wants. Also, he’d be popular with the guys because any Swedish guy want to make ties with an English-speaking man, since they believe that they would get at chance to find studies or jobs abroad.

Sweden has a law called incitement to racial hatred, meaning that Swedish citizens are not allowed to upset people of any racial difference than the Swedish. This law is free to interpret any way you want. So if you have darker skin, you can act like you were offended by a Swede in any situation, and anyone would find the Swedish person guilty (if not by law, then by people and/or media). If a Swedish guy takes your seat on the bus, you can call him a racist. Just don’t forget to indicate that you are an immigrant. If you don’t get the job that you’ve applied for, you can always go to the media and tell them you didn’t get a job from this certain company because you have a foreign name.

There is something called the Swedish Welfare State, which is a law saying that any person who needs help should be given the help he or she wants. You might think, “Oh my gosh, does it mean that any person can get economical help in any situation?”, and the answer is yes. Many immigrants realized very soon that they could utilize this law, and made themselves disabled so that they can get money from the social public services (which is money almost directly from the government, and which is tax money directly from the hard working Swedish citizens). By disabled, it’s not about breaking bones or any permanent unability. An immigrant can simply say that they are unable to work, and the Swedish social services buys it and lets them roam around like leeches, sucking the money out of the state. You see, they don’t use the money in Sweden. Mostly, they save it to go back to their home country at least once per year, and then use it there, both as pocket money and as souvenirs to all of their relatives. Wonderful, huh? No wonder Sweden is in a serious economical crisis right now.

So why don’t anyone do something about this? It’s easy: Swedes are not allowed to even mention this because it would offend the immigrants. If they do say something, they would violate the laws. All in all, immigrants have more power than native Swedes.

Congratulations.

Christer Fuglesang

He is famous. He is an astronaut. He is the first Swede and the first Nordic citizen in space. And he is probably one of the most overrated celebrities Sweden has ever encountered.

He went to space in the end of year 2006, and returned 12 days later. The crown princess even watched on the TV screen to see him off to space. Children ran overboard of excitement. Even the Minster of Industry, Employment and Communications became the Minster of Space. Suddenly, everyone became space experts and academics, and forums discuss about his diapers.

Seriously.

“ORKA!”

The Swedish language has one really good word, and that is the verb and interjection “orka” (approximate meaning is: ‘I don’t feel like …’). Finding another word with the same meaning in any other language is, as far as I know, impossible.

Hail “orka”!

Welcome to Sweden

A real Swede who decides to critically write about Sweden and its inhabitants might get into a lot of trouble, being called traitor and all. That’s where I appear in the limelight. Read more in the blog.