Friends

For some from abroad, finding friends in Sweden might feel like an impossible project. Let me explain why: Swedes are reserved. While some people from a certain culture might be reserved, too, they could be both polite and reserved and still hang out with other people, no matter how annoyed they might be. But Swedes are only reserved and aloof. If you sit beside a Swedish guy or girl on the bus, they will turn about 10 degrees to the other direction and look out of the window or pick up their phone to text someone.

Though this might be the case, when a Swede has found him-/herself a friend, they become true friends, sharing all their secrets to each other and discussing matters that are incomprehensible for outsiders. One could give them a try, but if they see through a person as in “This guy doesn’t have a point talking to us, he just wants to talk to someone“, they will keep a clear distance from him.

Once again, if you’re aiming to getting Swedish friends you must be aware of the fact that what’s important is location, location, location. Swedes from the East are much more reserved and weird, those from Stockholm are colder towards people, people from the South are the strangest and those in the middle are just… really odd. If you want to get friends, it is best to go for people on the West. Most citizens in Gothenburg are not originally from Gothenburg, so finding friends might be easier there.

Good luck.

Narcissism

This is no coincidence, but Sweden, including its people, is a very narcissistic country. There are many evidence to this statement.

Firstly, some really overly proud Swedish politicians were so courageous (or silly) that they decided to remake the “Welcome” sign of the capital, Stockholm, and dared to give Stockholm the nickname: ”The Capital of Scandinavia“, which, without a doubt, upset other Scandinavians. None of the other Scandinavian countries had even the chance to agree on this bold statement. This “Welcome” sign has caused a big fuss among the Scandinavian people, including the Swedes themselves. What is more silly is that, despite the negative feelings that sign has caused, the Swedish proud politicians refuse to change it.

Secondly, Swedes from different parts of Sweden make fun of each other, and consequently, it creates large scales of segregation. Northern Swedes are outsiders, slow and disgraceful, Southern Swedes are peasants and “Swedish Danes”, and Middle Swedes are snobby.

Thirdly, Swedish cities hate each other. Gothenburg in the west coast dislikes Malmö in the south and the capital Stockholm (probably out of jealousy), Malmö hates Gothenburg and Stockholm, and Stockholm are famous of being so called 08′s, meaning that they are self-centered and stupid, almost compared with a typical patriotic American because they also don’t know anything about the Swedish map (even though geography is taught from elementary school to upper secondary school). Moreover, smaller cities hate each other, too.

Lastly, Sweden is very proud of its many good athlets. Susanna Kallur is a really good hurdler, and fans all over Sweden praised her as if she was the new Messiah. However, this wonder woman fell tremendously badly on her first race and on the first hurdle in the Olympic Games 2008, and no one hardly ever speak of her nowadays. Ludmila Enquist was a successful hurdler in the late 80s and in the 90s, and a proud Russian Swede. But after she was disqualified from sports, she lost her last nationality title and became only Russian. Poor sports celebrities.

Insane.

The Swedish Midsummer

Not many people know about the Swedish Midsummer. (Please click on the link if you want to find out.)

So why do Swedes celebrate midsummer? If referring back to original traditions, the season around Midsummer is the season where most crops begin to ripen. The old Swedes were poor peasants whose only hope to survive was on how their annual harvest would do. Hoping to get their crops as big and many as possible, the Swedes raised and decorated a maypole, which in actuality is the symbol of a penis turned upside down, planted into the ground in order to have its seed (sperm) fertilize the earth. Families and friends got together to have a great feast, where most of the year’s savings are spent on this one day of celebration, and afterwards they dance around the maypole as a ritual to get the penis erect and eject.

Today, not many of the Swedish people believe in this anymore. Some still dance around the maypole to uphold the tradition, but most Swedes simply have a great feast with the traditional fresh potatoes, pickled herrings and strawberries when they celebrate the Midsummer. Nowadays, the Midsummer celebration is more focused on having the day off (since Midsummer is always on a Friday and a Saturday between 19th and 25th of June) and booze. Almost one hundred per cent of the Swedish youths and adults from thirteen to fourty-five drink until they are numb. Many of those get into fights or car accidents, making the Swedish Midsummer a rather troubled tradition, especially for the National Road Administration, and for the police.

Bad.

Irony

In Sweden, it’s in most cases not OK to be serious about one’s own opinions. Therefore, most Swedes express their thoughts ironically in order to have something to say. The more they feel for a certain thing, the more irony they use.

Why do Swedes use so much irony, then? Well, in reality, they lack the courage to be responsible for their real opinions, because opinions are so important to Swedes that at least two or three would be offended by what someone else think. First of all, why bother about what opinions someone else has? Secondly, why are opinions so important? Third and last, why so serious about having something to say?

Pity.

Immigrants

Whether they are Swedish citizens or not, immigrants have greater power than the actual native Swedes. If you have darker skin than a Swede (which is not very difficult), or speak Swedish with a foreign accent, you’re free to move however you want.

For example, a guy can go to any Swedish pub if he speaks English or Swedish with an English accent, preferably British, and he can get almost any girl he wants. Also, he’d be popular with the guys because any Swedish guy want to make ties with an English-speaking man, since they believe that they would get at chance to find studies or jobs abroad.

Sweden has a law called incitement to racial hatred, meaning that Swedish citizens are not allowed to upset people of any racial difference than the Swedish. This law is free to interpret any way you want. So if you have darker skin, you can act like you were offended by a Swede in any situation, and anyone would find the Swedish person guilty (if not by law, then by people and/or media). If a Swedish guy takes your seat on the bus, you can call him a racist. Just don’t forget to indicate that you are an immigrant. If you don’t get the job that you’ve applied for, you can always go to the media and tell them you didn’t get a job from this certain company because you have a foreign name.

There is something called the Swedish Welfare State, which is a law saying that any person who needs help should be given the help he or she wants. You might think, “Oh my gosh, does it mean that any person can get economical help in any situation?”, and the answer is yes. Many immigrants realized very soon that they could utilize this law, and made themselves disabled so that they can get money from the social public services (which is money almost directly from the government, and which is tax money directly from the hard working Swedish citizens). By disabled, it’s not about breaking bones or any permanent unability. An immigrant can simply say that they are unable to work, and the Swedish social services buys it and lets them roam around like leeches, sucking the money out of the state. You see, they don’t use the money in Sweden. Mostly, they save it to go back to their home country at least once per year, and then use it there, both as pocket money and as souvenirs to all of their relatives. Wonderful, huh? No wonder Sweden is in a serious economical crisis right now.

So why don’t anyone do something about this? It’s easy: Swedes are not allowed to even mention this because it would offend the immigrants. If they do say something, they would violate the laws. All in all, immigrants have more power than native Swedes.

Congratulations.

Christer Fuglesang

He is famous. He is an astronaut. He is the first Swede and the first Nordic citizen in space. And he is probably one of the most overrated celebrities Sweden has ever encountered.

He went to space in the end of year 2006, and returned 12 days later. The crown princess even watched on the TV screen to see him off to space. Children ran overboard of excitement. Even the Minster of Industry, Employment and Communications became the Minster of Space. Suddenly, everyone became space experts and academics, and forums discuss about his diapers.

Seriously.

“ORKA!”

The Swedish language has one really good word, and that is the verb and interjection “orka” (approximate meaning is: ‘I don’t feel like …’). Finding another word with the same meaning in any other language is, as far as I know, impossible.

Hail “orka”!

Welcome to Sweden

A real Swede who decides to critically write about Sweden and its inhabitants might get into a lot of trouble, being called traitor and all. That’s where I appear in the limelight. Read more in the blog.